1.  When you see a small furry animal lying injured in the road, do you:
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a.  Take it home and nurse it until it is well,
b.  Leave it where it is: nature has to take its course, or
c.  Wrap it carefully in cling film and put it in the boot (Jamie Oliver probably has a recipe for it)?
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2.  Passing an unsightly dump of old mattresses, cookers and rubble in the countryside, do you:
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a.  Come back later and leave your discarded bean-bag collection there (after all, rubbish loves company),
b.  Sigh about the desecration of the countryside as you speed home to your parents’ new executive style home just off the Newbury bypass, or
c.  Take a day off and organise a posse of your friends to take it all to the council recycling depot?
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3.  You are coming up to an important college exam.  Visiting your tutor’s room one day, you find that he has slipped out for a moment.  Idly glancing over some papers that he has left on the coffee table, you discover that they are the first draft for your crucial exam paper.  Before you can stop yourself you have noticed key points in the first question.  Do you:
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a.  Await his arrival, tell him what has happened, and suggest he alter the paper so as to remove any advantage you might have gained,
b.  Go away and have a coffee, then return in 15 minutes when he is back, saying nothing: you can always decide not to do that question, or
c.  Quickly photocopy the entire paper, speculating how much you can make by selling the information to your fellow-students?
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4.  Your best friend asks you whether her latest buy, a set of distressed jeans, suits her or not.  You actually think it makes her look as though she has been poured into them and then left to set.  Do you:
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a.  Lie through your teeth, tell her she looks marvellous, and then follow her at a discreet distance, enjoying the whistles and cat-calls of passers-by?
b.  Tell her that she looks good, but it might be better not to wear them just yet as it would make other girls too jealous of her appearance?
c.  Tell her that the jeans look not so much distressed as traumatised, and that for her own sake the best thing she could do would be to give them away to Oxfam?
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5.  Your mother’s eyesight is failing, but she still insists on driving round the M25 at high speed, often in the wrong direction, on her way to and from her frequent bridge parties.  Do you:
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a.  Organise for her GP to have her licence cancelled on medical grounds, but make a car pooling arrangement with her bridge partner so that she will not miss her game?
b.  Say nothing, but quietly resolve to avoid the M25 yourself in future?
c.  Encourage her to raise her ambitions and take part in the Gumball rally: after her inevitable death, the legacy would come in really useful as a deposit on that flat you’ve had your eye on?
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6.  At an important interview you are asked your opinion of Nietszche, of which the chairman of the interview board is clearly a fan.  Do you:
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a.  Admit that you cannot even spell Nietszche?
b.  Comment that you admire anyone who can understand his oevre, but that you have never yet had time to give his books the attention they deserve?
c.  Claim that you love all his sayings, but that your favourite is “Goest thou to the woman - do not forget thy whip”? 
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For odd numbered questions, score 10 if you answered (a), 5 if you answered (b), and 0 if you responded (c).  For even numbered questions, score 0 for (a), 5 for (b), and 10 for (c).
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Your scores:
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0 to 10:  You utter bastard.  You will do very well in life but everyone will hate you (even your dog).
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20 to 40:  You are a trimmer and a hypocrite.  Fundamentally dishonest even to yourself, you will survive well enough through your apparent plausibility, and will be known as a pillar of the community.
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50 to 60:  You are the nearest thing to a secular saint that anyone is likely to see.  Either that, or you are a devious little liar who knows how these quizzes work and have deliberately chosen the “right” answers.